I think self reflection is important.
It helps us to see what we've done, where we are now, and what we want for the future. Although I try to live in a constant state of self reflection, the end of the calendar year brings an opportunity to do so on a wider scale.
Winter
I started this year like many others; feeling anxious and isolated due to the polarizing 2016 election. At the beginning of the quarter, I found it difficult to get out of bed and go to class. There would be moments where I would space out for hours at a time, not being able to bring myself to do anything except stare at my desk (dissociation). It wouldn't be until a few months later that I realized I was suffering from depression, and a few months after that that I came to terms with it. Despite all this, I managed to finally bring my cumulative GPA above a 3.0. I began tutoring privately to make some extra cash, which taught me a lot about work ethic and how much I love helping people. And I got to meet my political hero, Ben Shapiro, which was the experience of a lifetime.
Spring
I struggled with one of my first upper-division linguistics classes but impressed the hell out of my professor because I did so without taking the recommended class beforehand. I started to branch out of Isla Vista and actually made it to downtown Santa Barbara despite my anxiety. I discovered that although I love politics, political science classes aren't for me. I finished my second year of college!
Summer
I visited my second home state (Iowa), once again proving that the anxiety that formerly ran my life is now bending to my will. I got to spend time with family. I studied for the LSAT [though I've decided that's no longer the path I will take]. I went to the movie theaters (another former phobia of mine), twice! Being back with my family reminded me how depression is not a normal state, and after being inspired by someone else's steps towards recovery, I decided that I would take my own when Fall came. Unlike when I started my treatment for my GAD, I decided to keep this journey under wraps for awhile.
Fall
I started my third year, and I started receiving therapy again, this time for depression. I got a new job as a student cook (which I absolutely love). I made the hour long trip to Oxnard to make my first ever visit to the shooting range (no more travel anxiety, who dis?). I took a course entirely made up of public speaking (no more performance anxiety, who dis?). I started dating, which I never thought I would be able to do. I took a class that confirmed teaching would not be the best career for me. I survived the Thomas Fire. And after only three months of treatment, my therapist and I decided that I no longer needed professional help to cope with my depression. As a great bonus, I got to visit Universal Studios Hollywood today with my friends, with minimal anxiety and a lot of memories that I will treasure.
Conclusion
I have had to face a lot of challenges in the past few years. I have had my fair share of high points and low points. But I have proven to myself, and I hope to anyone else who is struggling, that it's possible to not only overcome your battles, but to bury them in the ground. There are still some things I'd like to improve in the coming years, but 2017 has taught me that I can achieve more than I could ever imagine.
Thank you for reading,
Emily Anne Williams
